A strange alien doctor stands near the unconscious body of Padme Amidala. “It appears she has lost the will to live.” A older man with a limp hobbles closer with the aid of a cane. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” says Dr. Gregory House.
-Keeps Padme on life support despite DNR, somehow this ends in him getting punched by Obi-Wan
-Immediately starts putting her on every treatment known to man
-Walks over to Wilson’s office, which is the only part of the entire ship that just looks the same as it does in the show
-Homoerotically complains about how stupid Jedi are, then makes a bet with Wilson on whether Obi Wan is gay or the father of Padme’s twins (Wilson wants House to believe people can be faithful)
-Padme almost dies again. Turns out the treatment’s not working
-“if the dark side nearly killed her, maybe it can save her”
-House uses force lightning to restart Padme’s heart
-Gets brought into Cuddy’s office and told off for using an experimental treatment, and the power of the dark side, in her hospital
-House is taken off the case and foreman is put in charge of the case
-Padme is unexpectedly doing better, but Cuddy refuses to tell House or else he’ll be using the dark side to save all his patients
-House watches on as Wilson tries seducing a relieved Obi Wan while he paces in the lobby. Doesn’t seem to work
-House interrogates Obi Wan about his relationship with Padme, insinuates it’s Obi Wans Fault. Gets in a struggle and once theyre seperated it’s revealed he ripped out some beard hair
-Padme is getting released from the hospital but crashes again with obvious signs of infection. Everyone blames the dark side of the force
-is put in intensive care again, everyone thinks she’s going to die, House is brooding.
-House meets Bail Organa and talks to him, Bail mentions how he was so worried about her the last time she was in a hospital, and this seems much more hopeless
-“what time she was in the hospital?”
-House marches in as they’re about to pull the plug, rolling Padme’s unconcious body over to point at dark spot on the back of her neck
-Foreman looks disapointed, “it’s a bruise house, her husband nearly snapped her neck.”
-“Our princess’ boyfriend here failed to mentioned she was scratched by a Nexu on Genosis years ago. Nexu claws are known as a vicious poison.”
-“it would have killed her years ago”
-“unless a small chunk of claw stuck in her back, working into the muscles near the nape of her neck for years. The little prince of Darkness chokes her, pressure and muscles spasming lets it work into a blood vessel. It’s why the force lightning only was a bandaid, it vaporized what was in her bloodstream but broke up the rest of the claw and let it enter in her bloodstream. Start her on dialysis, she’ll be fine by tomorrow afternoon.”
-Next day Padme’s wheeled out of the hospital with her two children, bittersweetness. House watches from balcony before going back to his office
-Wilson enters with his shirt unbuttoned and a few bruises on his neck, declaring, “the Jedi is gay. I win.”
-House holds up a paternity test, “he’s bisexual, it’s a draw”
yusuke is some loner “no good punk” who doesnt get along with anyone other than his one (1) singular best friend, he beats the shit out of kuwabara and accidentally starts a (one sided) rivalry where kuwabara tries to beat him, he almost dies for kurama after knowing him for like 10 minutes and then gets saved by kurama taking a hit for him and he has literally no reason to trust hiei but does anyway, everyone at his school is scared of him, he literally befriends half the people that he fights
kuwabara is a self proclaimed thug but is actually really soft and loves his friends, he’d do anything for the people he cares about, he’s rivals with yusuke, he literally does not know hiei or kurama he found out his rival is some spirit detective guy and just started showing up too, he has no clue wtf hiei is but he knows he’s annoying, he’s literally down to die at any moment for his friends and random ass strangers
kurama is The Main Man at his high school, he has zero friends unless u count hiei, he only cares about his mom, he’s smart and popular and quiet, he’s a fox demon thief, he trauma dumps on yusuke after knowing him for like 10 minutes, is ready to die for his mom, is told that death isnt the way to go, immediately takes a hit for yusuke by his own kinda friend hiei, moves the fuck on immediately, hiei and him are besties again, random men have homoerotic beef with him but he literally only cares about his mom and his friends
hiei is a literal criminal, he does not like humans, he has attempted to murder yusuke but is still unwaveringly trusted by him and is probably half always there out of sheer confusion, he’s ready to kill anyone, he’d kill anyone for his friends, he regularly gets teased for his height and long lost sister, no one takes his emo comments seriously, he was literally yeeted off a cliff when he was a newborn
on the outside its the top student of his school, a no good punk, a terrifying loner, and an actual criminal
